When you speak an intention into the world, it is incredible the ways in which the world speaks back to you.
The theme of finding identity and being in search of self has come up in various ways for me each of day of this new year.
This is my new year’s resolution.
~ C ~
I honestly don’t know how to feel about today.
I do feel beyond relieved that 2019 is over. Quite honestly 2018 and 2019 have been some of the most brutal I’ve had in my life. Every day seemed like a battle and I was exhausted. I have always been an optimist by nature but these past few years have brought me to my knees and made me question everything.
I could recently tell I was just tired of it all and it all caught up with me. I could tell because writing has always been a release for me, but these past few weeks I didn’t have the energy or motivation to even think about it. The emotions of the first holiday season without my dad or our should be 6 month old son crept up on me. The first holiday season without both of my birth parents on this earth was more than I could process. All of the life (and there was plenty of it) that happened to me over that last two years seemed to be weighing me down during this already tough time.
I was tired. I am tired.
But a new year was just around the corner. My entire life I have loved the idea of a new year and all the possibility it brought. It always has such promise and hope, and now more than ever I needed both. And a new decade, even better. So as the new year approached, I found myself anxiously yet cautiously awaiting the strike of midnight. I didn’t know what would come but I desperately needed a new year.
As the minutes of the year came to a close, I found myself with mixed emotions. I was sad because I knew when I left 2019, I would be leaving the last moments with some of the most precious people to me. I was heartbroken thinking of all the hard times. Yet I found myself filling with pride that I had made it through it all. And I felt warmth thinking about all of the loved ones who helped me through it all.
I don’t know what this new year will bring. But I do know I am ready for a new year and I welcome a new decade.
So today I welcome 2020.
~ C ~
Life starts all over again when it gets crisp in the fall.
Quote by F. Scott Fitzgerald
A new season approaches. The shifts in my universe are silent but felt with great intensity right now.
Doors are closing and opening all around me. I’m letting go of the old handles and walking with faith through the new doors.
~ C ~
I have always seen the first day of the month as an exciting opportunity. A time to start a new routine. A time to try a new “thing”. A chance for a redo when necessary. A time filled with hope and possibility.
Now of course the world works best when there is balance. So the first of the month also comes with bills due and responsibilities to take care of. Obviously bills don’t usually elicit excitement, but they are a part of life. And quite honestly lately I have even shifted the emotion I give to those items. I thank God and the universe for the item that brought me the bill, happily pay it and move on from it.
As the first of September is a mere few hours away, I am filled with pure hope. Hope of not only the new month upon me, but hope of the new season that will be ushered in this month. It feels as if things are coming into alignment in my life. I’m not saying I expect a smooth ride and no obstacles this month. But rather I am more prepared than ever to quickly conquer with determination and focus whatever obstacle may come my way.
I look forward to the challenges and opportunities this new month will bring. I am designing a few new activities into my life this month to foster growth and wellness. I walk into September with goals to achieve and faith to see me through.
~ C ~
Eight months ago I couldn’t even imagine the light at the end of the tunnel.
Life really has been (and will continue to be) step by step.
With time and faith as my teachers, I can say with 100 percent certainty that I previously was not prepared to get to that light.
I am a completely different person than who I was standing at that dark end many months ago.
I stand confidently today knowing that I am now ready for whenever I make it through this tunnel.
It won’t be the end. It will be the beginning.
~ C ~
The word “season” has come up in my life recently over and over again. How the past brutal season has fostered such growth in my life. How this current season has pushed me to be better. How there is such optimism for the season on the horizon.
Now obviously I believe deeply in how seasons, of all types, impact our lives. There is something so powerful about seasonal shifts that we go through. Even when they are bumpy or painful at times, it is all part of the new beginning.
As I begin preparations for this coming Autumn, I can’t help but wonder what is in store for me. I don’t know what’s around the corner but I am preparing and welcoming it with open arms.
~ C ~