This is the last line to one of my very favorite songs “Rainbow” by Kacey Musgraves.
This song always comes to me when I need it most in life. For me, it’s a simple reminder that the storm is over. It does me no good to walk around in a raincoat, rainboots and an umbrella everyday anticipating the worst to pour out of the sky at all times. Sometimes we can get so caught up in anticipating the worst all the time that we can miss the little and big blessings that sneak in along the way. The song is also a sweet reminder that in fact “there’s always been a rainbow hangin’ over my head.” This I believe to be true as I believe life is all part of a much grander plan.
This is the perfect song to highlight this Autumn season for me. To be honest it has been one of the most unique season’s I’ve experienced in my life. It has been a season of navigating new normals. It has been a season of truly holding tight to faith that all is happening as it should be and life is unfolding as it is meant to. It has been a season of realizing that although I am still lost I am becoming and I find such hope and power in that. But most importantly the song is a reminder that if I fail to realize that a storm is no longer sitting over me, I’ll miss the spectacular rainbow hanging over my head.
However to be clear, I don’t see this as a declaration that there will be no more tough times ahead. But rather I should focus on all the beauty and goodness that surrounds me. The tough times will come and they will go. But they will never shake the fact that there will always be light hanging over me and that “it’ll all be alright.”
I have spent the last 8 months on a journey of healing. Every minute has been hard, yet in the midst of it I have found joy. It has been pitch dark at times, yet at the same time I have been showered with immense light. It has been the worst period of my life, yet I know without it I would still be lost.
When I made the choice to move forward in my life after loss, I began by making a series of pivotal life shifts. I started a life long voyage of making healthier choices. I made focusing on my mental health and building effective coping mechanisms my number one priority. I embarked on a journey to relearn how to learn so I could grow in every facet of my life. I surrounded myself with only those people who lift and fill me up. I made a promise to find ways to serve others as often as possible along the way. I made a conscious decision that I will no longer be just a taker from this earth and find ways to give back and reduce my footprint. I reduced clutter from my physical and mental spaces to make room for possibility. I ran towards change because remaining in the same spot was no longer an option.
Day by day, I have made small decision after small decision, each with those life shifts top of mind. Quite frankly focusing on these decisions and shifts saved me from thinking about the people I had lost, the life I would no longer know and the person who I would never be again. At first I was fueled by blind faith alone. But slowly I saw the tiny changes I was making each day compound and make an actual difference in my life.
Today I am so proud of the person I have become through these decisions and shifts in my life. It doesn’t mean I have “made it”, I never will. It doesn’t mean I won’t have any more bad days or setbacks, I am positive I will have plenty. It doesn’t mean my grief is over, it is tattooed on every aspect of my being. But what it does mean is my joy and pain can coexist. It means my darkness and light can stand next to each other. It means the decisions I make today will positively affect my future. I am proud I have arrived at a place that seemed impossible to get to only 8 months ago. And moving forward I will continue to take this healing journey the same way I have over the past 8 months, step by step.