I honestly don’t know how to feel about today.
I do feel beyond relieved that 2019 is over. Quite honestly 2018 and 2019 have been some of the most brutal I’ve had in my life. Every day seemed like a battle and I was exhausted. I have always been an optimist by nature but these past few years have brought me to my knees and made me question everything.
I could recently tell I was just tired of it all and it all caught up with me. I could tell because writing has always been a release for me, but these past few weeks I didn’t have the energy or motivation to even think about it. The emotions of the first holiday season without my dad or our should be 6 month old son crept up on me. The first holiday season without both of my birth parents on this earth was more than I could process. All of the life (and there was plenty of it) that happened to me over that last two years seemed to be weighing me down during this already tough time.
I was tired. I am tired.
But a new year was just around the corner. My entire life I have loved the idea of a new year and all the possibility it brought. It always has such promise and hope, and now more than ever I needed both. And a new decade, even better. So as the new year approached, I found myself anxiously yet cautiously awaiting the strike of midnight. I didn’t know what would come but I desperately needed a new year.
As the minutes of the year came to a close, I found myself with mixed emotions. I was sad because I knew when I left 2019, I would be leaving the last moments with some of the most precious people to me. I was heartbroken thinking of all the hard times. Yet I found myself filling with pride that I had made it through it all. And I felt warmth thinking about all of the loved ones who helped me through it all.
I don’t know what this new year will bring. But I do know I am ready for a new year and I welcome a new decade.
So today I welcome 2020.
~ C ~
I have to be honest. Focusing on wellness this Autumn has been so incredibly difficult. I’m honestly at a loss. How in the season that inspires me so much, do I also get so far off track?
My eating, sleeping, exercising regularly, personal development focus, staying in the moment and staying in prayer have all been off over the course of the last few weeks. I mean I haven’t been awful I suppose but I’m certainly not where I want to be in all of those areas, among many others.
Although several reasons as to “why” come to mind, if I’m being really clear with myself then I’d have to say this is the season for me where I am finding it easiest to “slip”. And by “slip” I mean come up with an excuse to avoid making a disciplined decision.
As an example last week I wasn’t feeling great, which usually happens for me when the weather starts to change from hot to cold each year. Over the week it was so easy for me to pass on going to the gym, order no-so-healthy takeout (because I was too tired/sick to cook) and let my house clutter quickly to build up (because I was too exhausted to manage it). Instead of pushing through the current state I was in, I gave myself a little too much grace, that ultimately negatively impacted my health and wellness even further. And this is just one example of how off track I have been this season.
Now as much as I want to beat myself up over this, I realize it will only waste more time. So my action plan is simple. Go back to the basics and focus on the little decisions each day. Because each little decision adds up and makes a big difference. I will get reacquainted with my vision board, daily goals and my gratitude daily recaps.
I am refocused and ready to take back my Autumn.
~ C ~
~ Quote by Robert Frost
This quote speaks to my soul.
~ C ~
I have always seen the first day of the month as an exciting opportunity. A time to start a new routine. A time to try a new “thing”. A chance for a redo when necessary. A time filled with hope and possibility.
Now of course the world works best when there is balance. So the first of the month also comes with bills due and responsibilities to take care of. Obviously bills don’t usually elicit excitement, but they are a part of life. And quite honestly lately I have even shifted the emotion I give to those items. I thank God and the universe for the item that brought me the bill, happily pay it and move on from it.
As the first of September is a mere few hours away, I am filled with pure hope. Hope of not only the new month upon me, but hope of the new season that will be ushered in this month. It feels as if things are coming into alignment in my life. I’m not saying I expect a smooth ride and no obstacles this month. But rather I am more prepared than ever to quickly conquer with determination and focus whatever obstacle may come my way.
I look forward to the challenges and opportunities this new month will bring. I am designing a few new activities into my life this month to foster growth and wellness. I walk into September with goals to achieve and faith to see me through.
~ C ~
Life is a journey of ups and downs. Life is a collection of experiences and emotions. Life is the totality of all the small and big things.
So even though I am moving forward in life in the right direction, I still experience not-so-great days and small detours.
But in life now when I feel uneasy, have a bad day, become full of sadness or feel anxiety begin to creep in, I stop and remind myself it gets better. Because it does.
I am living proof of it gets better.
And it’s my life long goal to share this with others. Because sometimes we all could use a little reminder.
~ C ~