Welcome 2020

Welcome 2020.

I honestly don’t know how to feel about today.

I do feel beyond relieved that 2019 is over. Quite honestly 2018 and 2019 have been some of the most brutal I’ve had in my life. Every day seemed like a battle and I was exhausted. I have always been an optimist by nature but these past few years have brought me to my knees and made me question everything.

I could recently tell I was just tired of it all and it all caught up with me. I could tell because writing has always been a release for me, but these past few weeks I didn’t have the energy or motivation to even think about it. The emotions of the first holiday season without my dad or our should be 6 month old son crept up on me. The first holiday season without both of my birth parents on this earth was more than I could process. All of the life (and there was plenty of it) that happened to me over that last two years seemed to be weighing me down during this already tough time.

I was tired. I am tired.

But a new year was just around the corner. My entire life I have loved the idea of a new year and all the possibility it brought. It always has such promise and hope, and now more than ever I needed both. And a new decade, even better. So as the new year approached, I found myself anxiously yet cautiously awaiting the strike of midnight. I didn’t know what would come but I desperately needed a new year.

As the minutes of the year came to a close, I found myself with mixed emotions. I was sad because I knew when I left 2019, I would be leaving the last moments with some of the most precious people to me. I was heartbroken thinking of all the hard times. Yet I found myself filling with pride that I had made it through it all. And I felt warmth thinking about all of the loved ones who helped me through it all.

I don’t know what this new year will bring. But I do know I am ready for a new year and I welcome a new decade.

So today I welcome 2020.

~ C ~

Halfway Point

This week is the official halfway point for Autumn.

What a season it has been so far.

It has been more challenging than I ever anticipated or really wanted quite frankly. But even in the chaos (and it has been a true mess) I have found great clarity and have been blessed beyond measure.

I realized that when I fiercely stick to my wellness focus and living in the present, I thrive. But when I allow life to pull me away from those areas of focus, I begin to struggle. When off balance, every little thing that goes on can become traumatic, overwhelming and even seem earth shattering.

In this season of “starting over again“, I realize that we get opportunities to stop, adjust and restart as many times as necessary in life. Even though the season is halfway over, that doesn’t mean all is lost. But rather what a blessing it is that we have a whole other half of a season to get back on track and thrive.

I very much welcome the second half of Autumn.

~ C ~

Preparation

Lately a theme that has been weaving itself throughout my life is preparation. It’s as if I am staring from a 50 thousand foot view of my life and everything occurring now is necessary for the next scene to unfold. Yet unfortunately I can’t see exactly what is going on in that next scene.

I’ll come across online articles, news clips, books or even people that I feel a somewhat weird yet divine connection to. As if I needed to have these particular encounters in preparation for what is next for me.

I wish I knew what was next, but I suppose I’ll find out in due time. In the meantime, I’ll continue being open to the preparation currently taking place in my life.

~ C ~

So Many Emotions

Lately I’ve been filled with such emotion…

… Fear of the unknown…

…Excitement for what is up ahead…

…Anxiousness for what I can’t control…

… Joy for each and every moment…

… Sadness for what will never be…

… Hope for what may be…

I am honoring each emotion. I am giving myself grace for doing my best in each situation. I am focusing on what I can control.

This is the current season I am in. And I am exactly where I am supposed to be in my journey.

~ C ~

Doors

A new season approaches. The shifts in my universe are silent but felt with great intensity right now.

Doors are closing and opening all around me. I’m letting go of the old handles and walking with faith through the new doors.

~ C ~