Wellness Check-In

Over the past few weeks it has been so incredibly hard to focus on my wellness pillars. Everything from reading books, to listening to professional development podcasts, to working out, to focusing on the present, to eating clean has been an uphill battle it seems. I am doing my best but if I am being honest, I am not exactly where I want to be.

It’s such a slippery slope. A few small not-so-great decisions turn into a day full of bad decisions. And that can spiral into a week filled with unhealthy decisions. It can happen in the blink of an eye, which is the scary part.

But one new tool I have in my life this year is discipline. Becoming disciplined has completely transformed so many areas of my life over the course of the year. I couldn’t see it along the way, but as I look at my overall healthier state now, I almost can’t believe the person I was before.

So as I find myself struggling a bit to stay focused on my wellness pillars, I will lean on my faith that small positive decisions each day will continue to open doors in my life. I will just keep doing my best and focusing on the small decisions each day. It’s worked so well for me before so I know the sky is the limit if I keep moving ahead.

~ C ~

So Many Emotions

Lately I’ve been filled with such emotion…

… Fear of the unknown…

…Excitement for what is up ahead…

…Anxiousness for what I can’t control…

… Joy for each and every moment…

… Sadness for what will never be…

… Hope for what may be…

I am honoring each emotion. I am giving myself grace for doing my best in each situation. I am focusing on what I can control.

This is the current season I am in. And I am exactly where I am supposed to be in my journey.

~ C ~

Pregnancy Loss Awareness Month – October 2019

One of the things I have been learning over the course of the last year is how to hold all the parts of life at the same time. We have to hold all the emotions, all the life events, all of the challenges and all of the triumphs at the same time. We have to hold happiness and sadness in the same moment.  We have to let our fears and bravery stand side by side.  We have to recognize our fullness and emptiness, giving each the necessary space in our life.  The fact is life is complicated but we can’t let that hold us hostage.  We must learn how to hold all the parts of life, while simultaneously making a conscious effort to move forward.  If we don’t embrace this fact, we will forever be in the same exact spot.

Learning to move forward and continue to strive for success in my life, while holding the pain of pregnancy loss is something I have unfortunately become very familiar with. It is one of those things I could have never imagined would be part of my life story. But here I am and here it is. When I experienced my miscarriage nine months ago, it affected me deeply and permanently. There was so much about the experience and the aftermath that I didn’t expect. Some of which I have shared and some of which I plan to share in the future. But the one thing I didn’t quite grasp at the time was how profoundly it would effect my future everydays. It affected me and still affects me everyday in every way.

As a generally optimistic person, at first it was beyond confusing to try to hold deep sadness yet move forward in my life at the same time. But I knew I had to figure this out if I wanted a life worth living. After nearly a year of intentional growth in every facet of my life and work on grief with trusted counselors, I have learned that the key to holding all of life at once is to understand how it all comes together to make us whole. My sadness for the loss of my son and the happiness I have as I strive to achieve other goals in my life come together to tell my story and make me a whole person.

Today on the first day of Pregnancy Loss Awareness month, I remember all of the women who are carrying the pain of the loss of a baby along their journey forward. Often a silent and lonely journey, I pray not that they have an easy one, but rather that they give themselves grace as they manage to hold it all. Because life can be beautiful after loss.

~ C ~

This Week in Review

The first full week of Autumn has been very eye opening for me. I realized that although it is my favorite season, it tends to be the season when life is busiest for me. Despite my best efforts I have just been overwhelmed and out of sync this week. Life has been hectic is every way, shape and form.

But after taking stock of week one, I realized that I need to reset myself. And I also realized it is completely okay to stop the train that is life to make sure it is securely on track. In order to fully embrace the season I love so much, I will take the rest of the week to stop and remember the things that are most important to me. My plan to reset involves:

  • Creating/updating to do lists
  • Pausing to deep clean up all of my spaces
  • Creating time each day to read and listen to some favorite podcasts
  • Focus on increasing my vegetable and water intake each day.
  • Remember to do one thing each day that reminds me of the season I love so much.

I actually look forward to resetting myself this week. I refuse to waste another moment of Autumn.

~ C ~