This Year…

When you speak an intention into the world, it is incredible the ways in which the world speaks back to you.

The theme of finding identity and being in search of self has come up in various ways for me each of day of this new year.

This is my new year’s resolution.

~ C ~

Welcome 2020

Welcome 2020.

I honestly don’t know how to feel about today.

I do feel beyond relieved that 2019 is over. Quite honestly 2018 and 2019 have been some of the most brutal I’ve had in my life. Every day seemed like a battle and I was exhausted. I have always been an optimist by nature but these past few years have brought me to my knees and made me question everything.

I could recently tell I was just tired of it all and it all caught up with me. I could tell because writing has always been a release for me, but these past few weeks I didn’t have the energy or motivation to even think about it. The emotions of the first holiday season without my dad or our should be 6 month old son crept up on me. The first holiday season without both of my birth parents on this earth was more than I could process. All of the life (and there was plenty of it) that happened to me over that last two years seemed to be weighing me down during this already tough time.

I was tired. I am tired.

But a new year was just around the corner. My entire life I have loved the idea of a new year and all the possibility it brought. It always has such promise and hope, and now more than ever I needed both. And a new decade, even better. So as the new year approached, I found myself anxiously yet cautiously awaiting the strike of midnight. I didn’t know what would come but I desperately needed a new year.

As the minutes of the year came to a close, I found myself with mixed emotions. I was sad because I knew when I left 2019, I would be leaving the last moments with some of the most precious people to me. I was heartbroken thinking of all the hard times. Yet I found myself filling with pride that I had made it through it all. And I felt warmth thinking about all of the loved ones who helped me through it all.

I don’t know what this new year will bring. But I do know I am ready for a new year and I welcome a new decade.

So today I welcome 2020.

~ C ~

It’ll All Be Alright

“It’ll all be alright.”

This is the last line to one of my very favorite songs “Rainbow” by Kacey Musgraves.

This song always comes to me when I need it most in life. For me, it’s a simple reminder that the storm is over. It does me no good to walk around in a raincoat, rainboots and an umbrella everyday anticipating the worst to pour out of the sky at all times. Sometimes we can get so caught up in anticipating the worst all the time that we can miss the little and big blessings that sneak in along the way. The song is also a sweet reminder that in fact “there’s always been a rainbow hangin’ over my head.” This I believe to be true as I believe life is all part of a much grander plan.

This is the perfect song to highlight this Autumn season for me. To be honest it has been one of the most unique season’s I’ve experienced in my life. It has been a season of navigating new normals. It has been a season of truly holding tight to faith that all is happening as it should be and life is unfolding as it is meant to. It has been a season of realizing that although I am still lost I am becoming and I find such hope and power in that. But most importantly the song is a reminder that if I fail to realize that a storm is no longer sitting over me, I’ll miss the spectacular rainbow hanging over my head.

However to be clear, I don’t see this as a declaration that there will be no more tough times ahead. But rather I should focus on all the beauty and goodness that surrounds me. The tough times will come and they will go. But they will never shake the fact that there will always be light hanging over me and that “it’ll all be alright.”

~ C ~

All My Adversity

My whole life I’ve been drawn to a good quote. From a young age I quickly learned that carefully selected words strung together can generate immense power within the human spirit. And a good quote can speak to the soul when no other words can seem to do the trick.

Lately I have found myself being drawn to particular quotes over and over. I suppose they are really speaking to my current season of life. One quote that has been a favorite recently is “All the adversity I’ve had in my life, all my troubles and obstacles, have strengthened me.”

This quote by Walt Disney is complete truth for me. The adversity I have faced in life has strengthened and changed me. I am thankful for what I’ve been through because I am thankful for the person I am today. The person I am today is the person I want to walk into the future as.

This quote from Walt reminds me that everyone faces adversity in life. But what is not stated but is clearly implied is that what matters is what we do with the adversity.

I, like Walt, am choosing to use it.

~ C ~