I get a little emotional even at the thought of the word these days.
What once was so easily defined and felt, is now not so much. And as I grew older this concept increasingly and quickly became quite complicated.
Home, or at least as I knew it, was the place where my parents and brothers were, the structure filled with childhood memories that I grew up in, the place where my lifelong friends could be found, the place where our family spent holidays together, the small mountain town that was so familiar to me and the place I always knew I could go when life got hard. Yet the older I grew, the more and more my “home” seemed to be slipping away. And this fact has simply been heartbreaking to me.
I was struggling with this more than I wanted to admit and I didn’t quite know how to move forward. But through a discussion I had with a trusted counselor, it was if I found instant clarity.
What creates “home”. What defines “home”? When do I feel like I’m at “home”? I realized suddenly that our “homes” evolve as we do. As we grow, change and age so does our concept of “home”. And it has too. To only think of home in the past tense, of what it once was when I was a child, denies me any chance of creating a home today and in the future.
I have found that much of what I consider home is about emotions and feelings I had in that place. Happiness, safety, comfort, love, familiarity of tradition and sense of community are all feelings I can create. I realized that I am capable of in a single moment declaring my current house, my “home”.
I can create a beautiful space that brings peace to my heart. I can set up barriers to ensure a safe place to rest each night. I can build a space that welcomes family and friends, bringing with them comfort and love. I can create new traditions to usher in new memories. I can build an open space that fosters a sense of community which I choose to design. I can do all of these things in my current space, to create a home that meets me where I am in my journey in life.
So although I will still reminisce about the home that was once so near and dear to me, I look forward to building upon the little home my husband and I have created. They say home is where the heart is and my heart is open and ready for its new home.
~ C ~